One of the most difficult areas of life to wrestle with in regards to Process VS Destination at least in my life has been forgiveness. From what I have experienced from other people in life and what I have personally dished out (See the topic Anger here on this blog) its just tough. In discipling others, CARE situations, Freedom Walks and Freedom Conversations I see this. I see it over and over in our Foregivness/Shame sessions at my church’s Freedom Gatherings. The deep struggle often going on for years is written all over the place in peoples faces. It’s just Massivly diffiicult and “saying it shouldn’t be” doesn’t seem to change things, maybe it actually shouldn’t be easy. Taking far far longer to get over ourselves and others than we can ever expect or even want to. Often thinking we have arrived not only to have a new event causing triggers on the old. Always more places to go…seemingly a never ending process.
Process maybe our best go-to idea for talking ourselves and others into a mindset or perspective of Grace. Often on the bigger matters trying to get various ideas of grace living inside of you, seeing process as a part of it might be the only thing to get you there on both sides of forgiveness.
One aspect of that shift seems to be, ok these folks who put this together are not only getting serious now, this goes deep is a massive ask, the mean business. Everyone on the volunteer side of the events senses a change to some form of somberness. I dare say our session on Forgiveness is one of the best around primarily because the speaker tells her story about her experience in it… and I tear up typing this because it is one of the ultimate expressions not only of transparency but vulnerability and most importantly a profound example of extreme health and wholeness as a result. It always makes me love my church more. My story is so different but I always see my story in hers, the experience heals me more but yet at the same time shakes me deep into my bones every time. You cannot help but think to yourself this is VERY good news.
- Forgiveness is a weighty matter just like the song below.
- In the long run you can’t fake it without possibly some form of physical death as the end result. I have a good friend who ended up in the hospital over the lack there of.
- The cause behind the need to forgive seems to maybe always be a direct attack on your identity. Same for what you did and do to others.
- It seems to be one of the biggest gifts you can give to others to forgive and ask for the same. Especially a raw un-adulterated Asking. A no strings attached, Katy bar the door, my head is bent down to be chopped of by you if you so desire placement of my soul before yours, asking of forgiveness. In other words help them or help yourself get a little further down the road in the process of living a free life without a present need for forgiveness.
- Having said that I find it way too often it’s only you participating in the process. That not only seems to be universal its something you have to deal with straight on. What else are you going to do ???
- As I said previously but its very worth stating again, It seems to always find its way to be way more difficult than it should be.
- There seems to be in all of us a need for forgiveness to hide itself behind all sorts of justifications and human emotions. Too often ideas and human innards that are seemingly out of ones control.
In other words if you have a destination mindset first and foremost all aspects of Forgiveness will more often than not fool you into a place of not being able to trust just about anything, God, His Word, His people… life. Why? If destination is our goal we will leave things short. Our desire as humans to put things behind us just so we don’t have to deal will be the call of the day and will trump the place God really desires for us.
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not just seven times, but seventy-seven times!
That is a good picture of the target but it’s viewing yourselves and others ‘In Process’ that seems to me to be the synthetic engine oil (the best kind there is and it cost $$$$$) that gets you there. This post is not about all the steps, ideas, ways of forgiving etc. plenty has been written about that. It’s about adding in this layer of truly seeing oneself and others in process when dealing with it. Personally I also think 7 X 70 represents sometimes you must forgive way more times than you can ever imagine which is in and of itself, process.
I know this well, as an example, with what I did to my Leisha I tell her all the time some form of this… I don’t think I will ever get completely over what I did to you and I now don’t mind that. I keep finding new veins of how I injured your soul. Sometimes she does things to me and way to often I have to honestly admit I can see that stems from how I was to you. Thankfully sometimes I see that before she brings it up to me and when I do my response is. ok, Please, Please, Please, Forgive me. I am so in Love with you! That kind of always in process, always striving to be a more easily contrite person helps me to love me more… always.
In conclusion at least for now. Seriously, ask yourself this, how do we measure ourselves to others on how good we are at forgiving? Humans are so complex and they can so easily misrepresent themselves. Maybe, me measuring myself against you is really me measuring myself against a hard hearted blah blah blah. Maybe in all your expressions of being all Christian and stuff you are just a really good actor. How good can I measure now how good I might be able to get at this? I submit there is no end because there is always this element of process.